Things people say

I had the most horrifying experience today!

Let me set the stage.  I was out running errands with both boys.  I knew we were pushing the limits on Jack's nap and Dylan's next meal, but I really wanted to stop and pick up a present for a birthday party on Saturday.  So I did what every mom has done, despite the fact we all know better. From the moment we walked into the store, Jack started melting down.  He wanted to pull all of the toys off the shelves, not necessarily to play with them but just for the sake of pulling them down.  When I asked him to stop touching something, he threw his body on the floor in an all-out tantrum.  It was good old fashioned 2-year old drama (and very un-Jack-like, which proved how exhausted he was).  Dylan fussed off and on while I dealt with Jack and tried to pick out the gift, but by the time we were ready to make our purchase he was D.O.N.E.  This was a pretty small toy store, so my two screaming kids made quite an impression.

As we got up to the line, there was a lady in front of me.  She looked to be the grandma of four kids, all between the ages of 6-ish and 10-ish.  She started talking to Jack and commenting on how cute Dylan was (despite the fact he was screaming his head off).  I was focused on desperately trying to quiet Dylan and control Jack.  Meanwhile this lady continued to make casual conversation with me while each of her 4 kids approached the counter with a handful of .75 cent erasers, $1 bouncy balls, and a jar of coins to pay for their new treasures.  I was sweating as I imagined the looks that other shoppers were giving each other behind my back...judging me and my two screaming, misbehaved kids.

Here's where the experience becomes truly horrifying.  The lady turns to me, and says in a loud voice (in order to be heard over Dylan's screaming), "SO, ARE YOU PREGNANT AGAIN OR IS THAT JUST YOUR POST-BIRTH WEIGHT?"

Excuse me?

I have a two month old baby, Lady!  Now I will be the first to admit that the baby weight is hanging on a bit tighter this time around than it did when I had Jack two and a half years ago, but I really could not believe that this lady was asking me if I was pregnant!  I just stared at her, not having a clue how to react.  I responded in a snarky voice with a curt "No, I'm not pregnant" before I walked away to pick up the pile of books Jack had just knocked to the floor. Although I managed to stay pretty calm on the outside, inside I was SCREAMING obscenities at this frumpy old lady who would have the audacity to ask such an offensive question! We made it out of the store and back to the car before I said something in front of my children and her children that I might later regret.  

The reason I am telling this story is that, as I thought more about this stupid lady and her stupid comment throughout the day (you might notice that I am still a bit upset by it!), I started to see the lesson that I could learn from it.  My family is about to experience the joys of raising an amazing kid with special needs, but people won't always understand Dylan and his differences.  I know that there will be times when people stare too long, or say things about our angel that tear our hearts out.  This is going to be a daily part of our lives in raising Dylan.  Today I allowed the lady in the toy store to ruin my day with her offensive comment, but I can't let every stupid person with a stupid comment hold that power over me.  Part of this process will be to educate the world about who Dylan is and I pray that I have the will-power to do that gracefully and humbly, and with the understanding that people who don't understand a situation can sometimes say or do hurtful things.  My children will learn from my responses and I just hope that those responses are ones I can look back on and be proud of.

So, grandma from the toy store, if I could speak to you now I would say this:  "No, I am not pregnant.  In fact, my body just completed an amazing miracle by creating this beautiful life that you see before you.  I may not be the ideal weight or size, and my stomach is definitely squishier and rounder than it should be, but I would trade washboard abs and a tight butt 1,000 times over for the love that I experience when I see my baby smile at me.  Dylan and Jack don't care if I'm squishy.  In fact, a squishy mommy is just what they need at times like this when they are tired or hungry."

Too bad I can't go back and change my response. Oh well.  Maybe I'll do better next time...and I'm sure there will be a next time.