I'm fine...

My sister called today.  "Hey Amy, how are ya?" she asked...

"Oh, I'm fine..." I answered, "Except . . .

". . . Dad's in the hospital, my kid has a brain malformation, my husband just lost his job, our house is sinking into the ground, and our water heater needs to be replaced.  But, other than that, I'm fine . . . "

. . . . . . . . .

Yep.  All those things ARE happening in my life right now.

My 2 1/2 year old, Jack, is famous for answering any question you ask him with "I'm Fine" followed by a dismissive little shake of his chubby hand.  "Are you hungry?"  "I'm fine!"  "Do you need a new diaper?"  "I'm fine!"  "Are you too warm or too cold?"  "I'm fine!"  It drives me crazy that his answer to everything is "I'm fine," but then I think of who his mother is and I understand where it comes from.

I am a ridiculously positive person.  I love to see the glass half full....no, I actually love to see the glass 99.99% full.  I'd just rather spend my time talking about all of the wonderful things in my life than focusing on the negatives.  And I can honestly say there are SO many wonderful things, even now in the midst of all this chaos.

I have two amazing children!  Jack is such a blessing.  He is the happiest two year old I know, and watching him discover this world he lives in is the most fun I have ever had.  Dylan has been an incredible addition to our family, despite all of the struggles.  Already, I can't imagine our life before he was part of it.

I have a husband who supports our family and allows me to live out my dream of staying home with my kids!  Brian is amazing.  I knew that the day I met him 13 years ago, but I have grown to understand how amazing he is in the years I have spent with him.  The fact that he is willing to get up every day and drive to work, with the sole motivation of providing for the family that he loves, is something that I will never be able to thank him enough for.  And because he is so successful at what he does, I am able to stay home and raise his beautiful children.  This is a true gift, both for me and for our boys.

I live in a beautiful house, in a neighborhood that I absolutely love.  We moved into our new house about 4 months ago, when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with Dylan. We searched for a house for over a year, and because we were picky and patient, we were able to find our dream house in our dream neighborhood.  This summer has been amazing, as we have explored the area and made frequent appearances at the local parks.  It absolutely feels like home.

I have an incredible support system.  Thanks to you.  There are so many amazing people in our lives, who love us and love Dylan.  Since I have made our story public with this Blog, I can't tell you how many emails and comments we have received.  And EVERY ONE of them has meant so much to me.  Thank you all for your loving words of encouragement.  We also have an amazing family, and we would be lost without them. You know who you are...thank you.

But...despite all the amazing blessings in our lives, life kinda SUCKS right now!  When my sister called tonight and asked "how are you?" and I laid it all out in one short sentence, it started to sink in to me how many things we have going on right now!

My dad DID get admitted to the hospital today, please pray for him!  He was having a heart arrhythmia, and since he has a history of heart problems, he took it seriously enough to go have it looked at.  Right now there are no new concerns and hopefully he will go home tomorrow, but the docs decided he should stay the night in order to monitor his heart and make sure he is ok.  Just visiting him today on the cardiac floor at St. V's was enough to bring back the emotional memories of his first heart attack and quadruple by-pass surgery 10 years ago. Yuck.

My son DOES have a malformed brain.  Still, just writing it out or saying it out loud makes me sick to my stomach.

My husband DID just lose his job.  Well, as of right now he still has a job, but he just found out that the program he works on got canceled.  This means that there will not be a job for him whenever they wrap up the final loose ends (the date has yet to be announced).  Talk about a load of stress on our family!  Four months after buying a new house and 2 months after having a baby is NOT a great time to loose a job, especially when you are the sole provider for your family.  Brian is so amazing at what he does and I have no doubt that he will land someplace soon, but the unknown is very difficult on all of us right now.

Our house IS sinking.  We just found out this little piece of information this morning.  Our beautiful house, that we just bought 4 months ago, has been showing some signs of settling and cracking.  Well, the specialist who came out today to look at the problem let us know that our house is slowly sinking into the ground...and the repair bill is between $27,000 and $41,000.  That's Twenty Seven THOUSAND dollars, for anyone who wasn't sure that they read it right.  That is a HUGE amount of money to even think about when your husband just lost his job and your son was just born with a malformed brain.

And, our water heater just died.  Yep, because we needed one more thing to deal with right now.

So, I guess it's true when they say "when it rains, it pours."  I'm not sure why our family is going through all of this at the same time, but we are.  And it is so easy for me to just answer "I'm fine" when someone asks me how I'm doing.  Really, I'm not all that "fine", but I know the blessings in my life are so much more potent than the crap that is being thrown at me.  We will be OK -  we will be "fine" - but life might be hard for us for a while.  God doesn't give us the promise of a perfect life, but He does give us the promise that He will walk with us through the life that He gives us.  So, for whatever reason, God gave my family THIS life and we will walk with Him by our side through it all.  I can't wait to look back on it years from now, once we have learned all of the lessons that we were meant to learn, and understand WHY we had to go through this.  For now, I hope we can focus on the many blessings we have and make the best of the rest.

So, in the words of my sweet, positive, two-and-a-half-year old angel..."I'M FINE!"