Hey Moms....those of you who have kids that are older than 2 1/2...who have made it through this stage I'm in with a toddler and a newborn...those of you who have kids in grade school or high school or kids that have kids of their own...
I am in awe of you.
Because, from my vantage point, living through the daily grind of raising a toddler and a baby, I'm not entirely sure how ANYONE makes it out the other end.
My kids are amazing. Both are wonderful sleepers, great eaters, well adjusted, and loving. They're not violent, they don't scream and hit, and they don't cry uncontrollably for no reason. I'm pretty sure that, compared to the average kids, they're both pretty dang easy.
But I'm also pretty sure that taking care a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 month old is just never gonna be easy.
If you've seen me the past few months, you may have noticed my hair sticking out every which way or pulled back into a greasy ponytail. If you've stopped by my house, I'm sure you've seen dishes left in the sink from the night before, or bins of clean, unfolded laundry in the corner of each room. It's November 20th and I still have Halloween decorations on my mantle (which, by the way, I finally got around to setting out on October 30th). In the past couple weeks, I've walked out to my car without my shoes on, without my car keys (many times), and without one or the other of the kids. In short, I'm a mess.
I just don't think there are enough brain cells in my brain or hours in my day to keep up with everything that is required of me right now. My life can be summed up in one simple word: chaos.
At 2 1/2, Jack doesn't understand boundaries. He is pushing every limit imaginable. If Dylan is playing with a toy, he wants it. And, not in a "may I please have a turn with that, sweet brother," kind of a way. No, it's more like "I'm going to rip that out of your hands to prove I'm stronger and more powerful than you." If he wants milk, he wants me to drop everything I'm doing and get him milk NOW, and he will yell at the top of his lungs at me until I do just that. He loves interacting with Dylan. It always starts out innocently enough, with Jack being sweet and gentle and lovingly playing with his brother. I watch for a moment with a smile on my face, soaking in the tender moment between my two sons. But just when I let my guard down and turn my head, Jack's sweet hug turns into a headlock, resulting in Dylan screaming, me yelling and lunging at Jack from across the room (where I was attempting for the 6th time that day to fold the bin of laundry that I washed a week ago), Jack yelling back at me, Cooper barking like crazy, and Jack sitting in the corner in time out for the count of ten. And, guess what, laundry's still on the floor.
Poor Dylan never gets a moment of peace with Jack around. I'm struggling to even find someplace I can set him down where he is safe from big brother's reach. Just last week, Jack pulled the highchair over on top of himself, with Dylan in it. Jack got a pretty good-sized goose egg on his head (which, frankly, I think he deserved), and Dylan was left traumatized but uninjured.
My life is frustrating right now. Its frustrating to never have both hands free at the same time (washing dishes is much slower with a baby on your hip). To feel like I don't have 15 uninterrupted minutes to accomplish a simple task over the course of a day. To look around at the chaos that has overtaken my home, the wrinkled shirt I send my husband to work in, and the uninspired, ready-in-15-minutes-or-less dinners that I'm serving and accept that this is our new normal. But, right now, I don't really see an alternative.
And then I think about you: Moms who have made it through this battlefield and lived to tell about it. You are my heros and my inspiration! You are my hope that there is a light at the end of this two-kids-under-two-and-a-half tunnel! My mom raised three of us little terrors, and today she always has a clean house and folded laundry!
There will be a day when Dylan will be able to fight back and Jack will learn ways to get attention that don't include yelling at the top of his lungs or terrorizing his baby brother. There will be a day when I have the time and energy to cook meals that I am proud to serve my family. And one day I might even coordinate the decorations I have on display with the appropriate holidays!
And now the cliche: They grow up SO fast. And, cliche or not, it's so very true. There isn't a tiny bit of me that would be willing to trade this period of chaos for a clean house. Because just about the time when Jack is mature enough to understand that getting a glass of milk doesn't require him to yell repetitively at the top of his lungs, he will also be too mature to cuddle up on my lap because he stubbed his toe or laugh hysterically because I made a funny face. And I can see it in your eyes, all you moms who have been here before. When you tell me "it goes by so fast," I know that there is a piece of you that would give anything to jump back in time and spend one more day surrounded by the chaos and mess and overwhelmingly unconditional love that comes from a toddler and a newborn.
So, Moms, whether you're in the midst of raising a toddler or have kids older than me, I think we should all take the time to recognize ourselves for what we accomplish on a daily basis, even if that load of laundry from last week is still sitting wrinkled in the corner or your family is eating quesadillas for the third time this week. Because, moms, I am in awe of you! And as I sink exhausted into my pillow each night, I am in awe of myself that I made it through another day. If this chaos is a part of the life I get to live, with these the two amazing kids and wonderful husband, then I'll take it.
